I had always been told that secrets fester in the dark. If there was anything that occurred at work out of the ordinary, it needed to be reported. If anything happened outside of work that correlated back to the prison, it had to be reported also. As if someone was tracking these things.
Maybe it was just to create a paper trail in case something needed tracking. However, I had spent so much time in offices being reprimanded and gaslit by my boss I didn't trust that anyone was looking out for my best interest.
With the exception of Montgomery. Drug treatment and mental health directors knew exactly how I was being treated, and seemingly had my back. So I did not report that I was being followed locally. Reporting an officer of misconduct is like putting a target on your back.
The very people that were supposed to be looking out for my safety had become the people I was most concerned about. It is to be expected that every inmate is potentially dangerous. It seemed though that as a female AND an advocate for rehabilitating inmates I was a target anyways.
As if I was somehow messing with their(ADOC), bread and butter by keeping inmates in line. Helping them improve their lives somehow became me being an "inmate lover." I was always happy to have "eyes on me" staff wise, but it had gone from protection to something else.
In their infinite wisdom admin. decided that if Montgomery had me writing a new curriculum; that I needed a classroom for it. They chose an unused storage area that was back behind the honor dorm. This building was in the furthest back corner of the prison.
When they sent me back there to look at it I had an officer with me. I noted that it didn't have cameras inside or out. The officer stated they would install them. I also noted that the area was not in view of the tower. There were two rooms and a bathroom back there. It was wall to wall and to the ceiling with file boxes.
The next day I made my concerns known to admin. and they told me to start moving the files out on carts. I should've been excited that they wanted to give me a place of my own to do my work. It didn't feel like that though. It felt like a set-up. Working in these environments can make one paranoid. So I was always challenging myself to what was reality.
I sent an email to Montgomery to update them on the current events on a Friday. The following Monday admin. put an immediate halt on my moving files and gave me an office, basically a closet, in admin. to continue working on my curriculum. No one told me why, and no one from Montgomery emailed me back.
One afternoon as I was walking to re-entry to teach a class I noticed that an inmate who had been in my SAP class, was handcuffed outside of the shift office. Beside him was a cart with totes that were filled with snacks. He nodded at me with a look of foreboding.
I thought on this for hours. This was the same inmate that had admitted to being under the influence of suboxone in SAP. I remembered that day vividly. The day when my clerk told me about suboxone being smuggled in and families being exploited to pay debts.
No matter how much I tried to mind my own business and ignore things I was not a part of, thing kept coming my way. I felt like I couldn't win for losing. A feeling of dread hit me every morning when I would wake and prepare for another day at work. Outside of writing a curriculum there was very little that I looked forward to. Spending the weekends with my kids was my biggest respite, and they were teenagers...so that should tell you something.
It's not at all unusual as a female to feel like you are being watched everywhere you go in a prison, you are. When it follows you home is another story. That Saturday I went to a nearby low-budget market. It had been raining when I went in. When I went to leave I noticed that the car belonging to the officer who had followed me weeks before was two cars away from mine.
I unloaded my purchases and headed out. The roads were wet but, the sun had come out. Steam was rising off the road as the hot sun beat down drying up the cool rain that had appeared randomly. The humidity was intense and not uncommon in Alabama. My windows fogged up when I turned on the AC.
I sat at a traffic light waiting for the light to change. I looked in my rear view mirror and there he was. The same officer behind me again. He looked down and seemed to be avoiding my gaze in the mirror. The light changed and I sped forward driving much faster than I should on a wet road with the sun boiling the rain and oils on the road.
I looked in the mirror again to see if he was keeping up. Just as I looked back to the road ahead of me the cars in front of me had all stopped. I slammed on the brakes and my car slid sideways. I corrected it but had no time to avoid a collision. I braced myself for the hit.
I was going at least 35 mph and hit my head on the steering wheel. My knees slammed into the dash. The car came to a stop and I sat there in a daze. I don't recall much after that, but the ambulance ride.
Thank you for reading my series. Stay tuned.
It can be horrifying…