One of the most common issues that I have found working in men's prisons is the lack of mental growth beyond the age of 10. When you couple that with a majority of the inmates having less than a 9th grade education, it's a recipe for getting stuck in a justified mentality that does not coexist with the rest of society. I am not saying that inmates are dumb. It's quite the opposite usually. I am saying they didn't grow up. When we are kids and we fail at something it is typical for a parent to say "as long as you do your best." Most kids will take that statement and run with it into the future with the response, "I did my best." Children become satisfied with the response that gets them out of the dog house. However, when you take that thinking into adulthood it is rarely acceptable. Which is why I find the most common word that an inmate uses is the word Try. I tried, I'm trying, all I can do is try...or any form of this seems to be an acceptable answer to failure. Yoda was right when he said "There is no try, just do. Nike had it right with "just do it." Most of the inmates didn't understand that as an adult faced with the need for radical change, trying is just not good enough. I would often give them a visual example that would clear up why I was saying to them. I would hold out a pen and ask someone to try to take it out of my hand. When they reached for it I would pull it away. Then say your not trying, try again. They would reach for it again and I would let them take it and say "you did it." The first time you tried, the second time you did it. See the difference between trying and doing? It almost always clicked. From that point on I would ask them to remove the word try from their vocabulary. For about a week it became alot of fun for them to catch each other using the word try as they would make excuses for something. "I tried to get a job, I tried to stop doing drugs, I tried to get an education, I tried to be like society." Became "I didn't do it, thats why I didn't succeed." This understanding puts the problem squarely on their own shoulders. Once the inmates gained a better understanding of how they failed themselves it opened up the possibilities of being their own advocate in the future. It also made it possible for me to shutdown the future justifications and entitlements that they would have. I explained to them that they had been saying these things for so long that they believed it, instead of growing up. This opened the door to a whole host of vocabulary changes that needed to be made. Like the words honestly, truthfully, actually, and the infamous trust me. I explained to them what a disclaimer was. I showed them how they opened conversation with them. I would ask them "why would an honest man have to open a sentence with...to be honest?" They soon started to understand why nobody believed them anymore. They were using the language of a liar, a manipulator, or just simply childish denial.
Of course there were inmates who were unconstitutionally capable of grasping these concepts and would continue to try me and their peers. However, they often found themselves back in trouble in the program or the system and weeded themselves out of treatment. The majority of the men though grew from this experience. Which in turn helped them tremendously to grasp future concepts that I would teach them. This was usually my favorite turning point in the program. Once I could get them out of the childish phase of saying whatever to get people off their backs, gave everyone alot of hope. It opened the door to honest conversation and self-reflection. They became experts at catching themselves mid-phrase and correcting their words into factual statements. Practice, practice, practice made the next topic of Criminal thinking errors feasible.
Denial may be real but once you know the truth but stick to your old ways denial is just a lie.
Thank you for reading my series. Stay tuned!